When I GAINED weight on chemo, I was a combination of shocked and confused.
One of the things my mind just couldn’t reconcile during chemo was how much weight I gained.
When you watch movies or TV, the image of someone going through chemotherapy is almost always the same. The person is frail, thin, and bundled up in blankets. That was the picture in my head, too. So, when my journey looked completely different, I was caught off guard and seriously confused.
From the start, my care team put me on steroids to help my body tolerate the chemo. For every round, I would take oral steroids beginning two days beforehand, and then get more on the day of treatment. The pattern became predictable: I’d get the steroids, eat like I hadn’t seen food in days, since I was feeling back to "normal." Then get my round of chemo, eat after, and then crash from the Benadryl. It all always happened like clockwork! Those two “prep” days before chemo were actually when I felt my best, which meant it was game on with eating.
Food was only part of the story, though. The inflammation my body was fighting, combined with fluid retention, added to the pounds, and before I knew it, I was staring at my scale, wondering what was happening. For months, I beat myself up over it. I kept telling myself, “Once this is all over, I’ll go back to normal.” And like so many things during this whole cancer journey… that didn’t quite pan out. I am fairly certain that, at this point, I have lost track of how many things I have been wrong about.
Once I realized that many women gain weight during treatment, it helped ease my mind.
Now that I’m a little over six months past my last chemo, I definitely feel better, but the process is still ongoing. Because my cancer was estrogen-driven, I was put on hormone blockers to force my body into menopause. Obviously, that’s not exactly the easiest season of life for weight loss. I may not be losing weight like I had hoped, but I’m also not gaining, and that’s a win I’ll take right now.
Over the past couple of months, I’ve been more mindful of what I eat and intentional about moving my body. Even if it’s just silly little stretches on the couch while I’m watching TV, I count it. I’ve learned that giving myself grace is not optional; it’s essential. Yes, I’d love to be further along, but I also know how many women would give anything to have this be one of their “problems” after enduring treatments of chemo, radiation, and surgery.
As time goes on, I have faith I’ll figure it out. My dad always taught me to bet on myself, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I refuse to let this define me or steal the freedom that this journey has taught me.
If there’s one thing I hope anyone reading this takes away, it’s this: give yourself time. Healing, physically and mentally, doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s okay to let your body do what it needs to do. And as I always say—talk to your doctors. They can help you sort through options, and sometimes just having their reassurance makes all the difference. Talking to mine has presented me with options that I hope will help.
