Radiation for breast cancer was tough, and I am grateful it is over. Thankfully, my skin has almost returned to normal, but it has taken more than ten months to get to where I am now.
As I sit here, in my bed, typing in real time, I am somewhat at a loss for words. Normally, I write these posts and use my journal for reference, and I have scribbled pages of notes that I go through. This post is just me and my trusty friend, my computer, albeit this is being posted several months after completing treatment.
When I met with my oncologist after my surgery and found out that I was going to have to do more chemo and possibly radiation, I was devastated, confused, and sad. I missed the mark, and for an overachiever like myself, that was a tough pill to swallow. I needed to beat this so everyone would know I was ok, and if I am being honest, so I would as well.
Radiation for breast cancer was tough
If you have read my post about that day, you already know some of this. I drove home, spoke with my husband and a long-time friend, and then I did my usual. I gave myself a set amount of time to feel sorry for myself, and then put my big girl pants on and went back to work.
I can still remember my first appointment with my radiation oncologist. I wasn't sure how I got here, and hell, to a certain extent, I was still trying to figure out how I had an Oncologist! The whole time I was sitting there, I was whispering to myself, 5-10, 5-10, please let it be 5-10 treatments. Then, when he said 20, it was another time the wind went out of my sails. You would think I would be used to this by now, but it all goes back to that word, hope. Quickly, I changed my mindset and thought, 20, I can do that. I can do anything 20 times!
Before I knew it was time for my first appointment and to get my tattoos, yes, a fun side note. If you undergo radiation, at least for breast cancer, you get dots tattooed on you! The appointment was quick; in addition to the tattoo, more imaging was taken, and I was done. In all, I think it took about 45ish min. All that was left was to go home and wait for the proverbial show to begin.
The amount of heat you release during radiation is unbelievable. Sitting in the dark with a fan blowing straight at me was my only way to relax.
Round one was a mix of emotions. I never asked anyone what happens at radiation, although that should not be a surprise to anyone who has been following all this. My mind was racing as I tried to remember how long the nurses had prepared me for, what I needed to do, what I was supposed to buy, etc.
But it was time. I was in and out in five minutes, easy breezy, or so I thought. The next ten rounds probably went the same. I ran across the street, got my radiation, and then went back to work. I still remember thinking I was halfway done and doing so well, maybe this wouldn't be so bad.
Tell the techs, nurses, or your doctor if you have any skin changes
Then came the next few sessions, plus the first ten before, and I started to see that this was not going to be so easy. My skin started to change, it was red, tender, and incredibly sore. Meeting with my doctor, I remembered there were still four treatments with a boost, so extra radiation. This was going to be rough.
After my 13th session, it happened: my skin split. It was so painful, every move I made felt like the split was getting wider and deeper, and even rolling over in bed was painful. I thought, as long as it doesn't get any worse, this won't be so bad when it is all over. Well, that narrow crack did get bigger, as was predicted by the techs, and it got more painful and tender.
Thankfully, I was on session 16, and this meant that they were moving the focus of the radiation more to my side and below my armpit area. Thank you, God, I thought, relief! Yeah, that was a joke. Those next four sessions would come with a boost and would burn faster than all of my other 16 treatments combined. Plus, the friction in that area and my scars made for some of the worst sensations I have felt in my life!
Keeping your skin hydrated is huge during radiation
When I heard people talk and say things like, chemo sucked but radiation SUCKKSSS I never understood what they meant. Now I do! Chemo is hard, and you feel crummy, but radiation totally messes with your mind and your body. Having to go daily is a challenge
Then, dealing with the burns, putting on creams, the heat, and pain, it's like you never get away from this stuff. Plus, you are exhausted. For me, my body was still recovering from the first chemo cycle and surgery and was now fighting radiation and chemo.
All you want is to get your life back when you are going through cancer treatments, after all, your life is why you are doing this. Then you have setbacks and you think, "What the fuck?" I am sorry for those who are offended by that, but seriously, sometimes you need to let the "f" word fly.
What I’ve Learned in Six Months
- Healing Is Not Linear
Recovery is full of ups and downs. Some days I feel like I’m back to my old self, while other days I’m reminded that my body has been through a lot. I am a lot easier on myself nowadays. - Support Is Everything
Whether it’s friends, family, or a support group, having people who understand—or are willing to try to understand—what you’re going through makes all the difference. - Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
During treatment, self-care is often more about survival. Post-treatment, it’s about finding your way to thrive. I’ve embraced activities that bring me joy and relaxation and try to listen to my mind and body. - Perspective Matters
Cancer has a way of shifting your priorities. I’ve learned to let go of things that don’t serve me and focus on what truly matters and making the most of each day.
Staying cool during radiation is everything
I was thankful that I met some amazing doctors and staff along the way to help with tips and tricks for dealing with radiation, for those who have read my other post, tea bags, and cornstarch became my best friend!
Now, almost 10 months later, I can see that my skin is almost back to normal. I still have a faint "tan," but it is not as dark as it was, and the texture of my skin almost feels more normal. For those getting ready for radiation, be sure to ask questions so that you have the proper expectations. When you start noticing changes in your skin, talk to the staff; it does make all the difference.
I am thankful I did!
